Tonight, I sat with two different friends wondering about what was going on in my life. As I finish my first year of working on my masters degree, I have had to pull away from many things at different times. As I come in and out of the social circle, I wonder many times about those social circles I encounter and the person that I am to others.
Aristotle distinguishes between genuine friendships and friendships based on usefulness and pleasure. It is within friendships of usefulness and pleasure that they only as long as there is utility and pleasure involved.
Friendships based on utility, change according to circumstances. With the disappearance of the ground for friendship, the friendship also breaks up, because it is the ground reason that kept that friendship alive. The affection in this friendship is based on the benefit or use the friends derive from each other in the relationship. Each person gets something out of the friendship that is to his advantage, and the mutual benefit of the relationship is what unites the two people.
Friendships based on pleasure is different than the friendship based on utility. In this type of relationship that an individual does not act in the personal interest of the other individual unless it provides self-satisfaction in some way. The individuals in this friendship do make each other happy in a pseudo-selfless manner. This friendship is primarily about "having fun together." The friends may listen to the same music, enjoy the same exercise, or like to hang out at the same place. The two people may sincerely care about each other and wish each other well in life, but what unites them as friends is primarily the pleasure or "good times" they experience.
A third for of friendship is a virtuous friendship because the two friends are united not in self interest, but in the pursuit of a common goal: "the good life," the moral life that is found in virtue. It is within this third type of friendship, that the friendship is based on the good, and not based on his or her own gain. Instead, one wants what is best for his/her friend.
Within a useful or pleasant friend, there is an emphasis on what I get out of the relationship. In a virtuous friendship, the two friends are committed to pursuing something outside themselves, something that goes beyond their self-interests. It is striving side-by-side toward the good life and encouraging one another in virtues, the true friend is primarily concerned not with what he/she gets out of the friendship, but with what is beset for his/her friend and with pursuing the virtuous life with his/her friend.
Are we all really virtuous friends? Should all of our friends be virtuous? Does the avenues of social media get in the way of the friendships being authentic and meaningful? Do we hide behind a mask or do we put our true self out there? What kind of friend should I be?
